I knew I did not want to have children at a young age but I knew I always wanted to be a mother. Soon after I got married, casually trying to conceive was not working, so we decided to take a trip to Paris. We thought it would be the one place we most likely would not visit once we became parents. While on our trip, I had decided to treat myself and get my hair done at a salon one evening. My hairstylist, with her lovely French accent, seemed exasperated at the condition of my hair. She insisted it was falling out in a concerning amount and continuously told me that it was not normal. I promised her I would look into it once I returned home. Truthfully, I thought she was just trying to sell me her products. Upon my return, and after a round of investigative blood work at an infertility clinic, I discovered that I had a thyroid disorder, impeding my ability to get pregnant, and causing significant hair loss (the French hairstylist was right!). Thankfully, after only a month of taking medications to adjust my thyroid disorder I discovered I was pregnant.
Every mother has their birth story with each child. I will keep this one brief. Ms. G came into this world on July 6th, 2009 after 26 hours of a whole bunch of ups and downs and side way situations. After finally giving birth via c-section, my surgeon told me that I could never give birth naturally due to the size of my pelvic bone. I told him that information would have been helpful prior to me going into labour. I was trying to be funny. He didn’t laugh. Maybe because it was just past 4:00 am. Hey, I was just as tired and annoyed as he was remember?
First time mom. Just the thought makes me quiver. Sleepless nights, extreme exhaustion, having no clue what you are doing, and secretly regretting the decision to become a parent (not many would admit to thinking this way because it seems so selfish and ungrateful, but for a brief moment I remember having this dark thought and feeling extremely guilty about it soon after). Ms. G had colic and cried, what seemed endlessly, for the first three months. She was also super attached to me and cried if I was not holding her. I can still see her little hands in a perpetual fist, held tight to her chest everywhere we went. One day my parents tried to give me a break and took her outside while I stayed inside chatting with my sisters. She cried the whole way out the door. Suddenly, she stopped crying and I ran outside to see what was the matter. Yes, I got that situation all backwards I know. I was so used to the constant crying that I truly thought there was something wrong with her when she finally stopped.
We had a bit of a rough start, but Ms. G truly made up for those days. She turned out to be a dream child. We spent so much time together reading, dancing, playdates, parent and toddler classes, outings to the mall and visiting family. We spent so much time together we often didn’t have to speak very much to understand each other. This may sound strange to some, but she used to come up to me and look me right in the eye and I knew exactly what she wanted—almost like my dog Luna! We communicated like this for the first couple of years of her life when no one was around. We even developed a secret language, a bunch of babbling words, that only she and I spoke at times, when we were alone of course. We honestly have a strong and unique bond.
I know every parent says this about their child, but I truly have a wonderfully sweet daughter. She makes parenting seem so easy (I used to think I was a wonderful parent until my son came into my life…that’s another story!). In her 11 years of life I have never disciplined her in any way. From when she was a child, I would just tell her when I was displeased with her, or raise my voice one single octave level, and she would stop dead in her tracks. Ms. G is a sensitive child. She is pure at heart. She still sees magic in everything all around her. She loves to dance and enjoys classes from hip hop to acrobatics. Her love for all living things is so admirable. She also loves helping others and is really good at working with her hands, whether it be art or helping her father put together an object from bits and pieces (you notice I said her father and not me?), and does it whole heartedly with a smile (her lego and art collection are impressive!). Ms. G has always reminded me of Snow White—her dark curly hair and her crisp white complexion along with her genuine kindness for all living things truly makes her a living princess. As her room transforms from pink to grey (upon her request) I will try my best to remember that nothing is meant to stay the same—I will also try not to cry!
Thoughts At F___ It Forties 