You Can’t Unsee Once You See

I’m calling it ‘The 40s Awakening’, even though it can happen at any age. However there is something about your 40s that shifts your view. There is something that happens that feels like you just woke up, looked around, and make you question your choices, and maybe even your sanity—“Why didn’t I see this before?” It’s that moment you see an unpleasant quality in someone you used to admire. This person could be a friend, lover, co-worker, neighbour, Hollywood crush—simply anyone! Once the veils of delusion come down, once you see it you cannot unsee it. Where do you go from here?

The best place to start is from the beginning. Who is this person to you and how did they happen upon your life? Did you welcome them in or were they a fabric of your upbringing? What did you like about them? What compromises did you have to make for their shortcomings? Why did you allow it to continue? What benefits did you gain? What did you lose? Also ask yourself what was it that brought their negative qualities to light? Could this apply to other people in your life? Chances are there is a pattern of personalities that you are surrounded by. Chances are you have played out this dynamic numerous times with a multitude of people. Think back into your past and start to make connections.

This journey may be the beginning of self discovery. This ‘awakening’ may be the beginning of your soul’s healing. The tiny voice that you have been ignoring all these years within you is finally getting heard.

Perhaps an old picture of someone can trigger an avalanche of memories, emotions, and insights that you have never seen before. Sometimes perspectives can shift that quickly. Sometimes there is an instant ‘awakening’ that happens. Other times it is so gradual that it feels as though you just found yourself on the other side of a journey and you cannot remember how you got there, akin to driving amnesia. You know that feeling when you arrive somewhere but don’t remember how you got there?

It is time then to take down the pictures of them off your walls, so to speak. Take people off the pedestal you once placed them on. It is time to see the ugly in others.

Perhaps it is also time to see the ugly within. Maybe it is time to look at our deepest, hideous side as well. Maybe this awakening is about shedding relationships, but it is also about having to face the illusion of who we always thought ourselves to be as well. This is the time to look into the truth mirror. Are you ready or will you look away?

Shedding and shifting relationships should come with self knowledge. You don’t want to repeat this pattern again. In order to do that you have to do the inner work. I never promised you an easy ride here did I?

Part of that work is to be honest, honesty with others and yourself. Oh these 40s are proving to be quite a challenge in so many ways! However, what is happening is necessary and powerful. Sometimes it has to all fall apart in order to make room for the new and wonderful things—even if it may take some time to get there. Hold onto hope. Hold onto the faith that you will get through the ugly, get through the awakening, and get to the beauty of others AND the beauty of who you really, truly are.