Patience, or Lack Thereof

Is it just me? Please tell me it’s not just me. Yes, I know this blog is called F__It Forties which would imply that one has less patience for nonsense. However, I feel as the time ticks away—as I waffle between my mid to late forties—I find that even the slightest slight can get my blood boiling and my mouth spewing defensive language. In the same breath, I also see myself having more patience for the elders in my life when they lose their cool over trivial things. Does all this make any sense?

Let me try to break this down in a way that makes some sense even to me. I simply do not tolerate being disrespected. There just isn’t any room for chances or analytical mulling over the possible reasons why the other person chose to behave in such a manner. I will not stand for it. I may make a verbal protest or simply make my feet do the talking by walking away—in some cases forever.

I always ask myself afterwards if I was being harsh. Most of the time the answer is ‘not soon enough, so not harsh enough’. If I can live the rest of my live with the consequences of my actions—namely never seeing the person again, then I know I have made the right decision. It’s a hard stance to take which is why I can count on one hand the people I have completely cut out of my life.

I have not regretted it one bit. Which is why I encourage anyone who is battling heartache over relationship issues to find a middle ground, find a solution that works best, and find forgiveness if possible. However, if all else fails, I am not opposed to cutting off all ties. You can find forgiveness in your heart, but that does not mean your heart has to be in turmoil every time you have contact with that person. Wish them well and let them go.

Find patience for yourself as you heal and grow. Apart. This can apply to all sorts of relationship woes with colleagues, friends, family, as well as intimate partners. Put up with less and your life will be full of more. It really is that simple.

Conversely, as I watch my father lose his patience over the smallest inconveniences, for example, I realize that my compassion for his impatience has grown. These are the years that we are still actively raising children, and yet actively needed in our aging parents’ lives—should we be lucky enough to still have them around.

Somehow, I can understand his lack of patience at his age. He’s seen enough to know that when it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, it most likely is a duck! So, don’t try to tell him otherwise. I guess it’s another level of impatience one reaches in their 70s. For some strange reason in my 40s I have found extra compassion and patience for my parents that maybe once was not there. The realization that their time on earth is not infinite might have something to do with this. It crosses my mind more frequently, especially when I have to practice patience when they are lacking.

F__It Forties is a love letter to myself that I willingly share publicly (in hopes that you will find a similar love in your life). Finding internal strength in asserting better boundaries when being mistreated—also an exercise in an increased compassion and patience for aging parents.

This can be a time of rediscovery. Rediscovering who we can be in our new family roles, and who we can be in our every day world. Patience in some areas—and lack thereof in others—is the great balancing act that is perfected in these years. At least, that is what I hope for myself, and each and every one of you.