I recently said to someone that I’m confident—not cocky—because I like who I am and can talk openly about my physical flaws as well as my toxic traits. There certainly is a type of awakening that occurs in your 40s that I just can’t explain. The shyness that once plagued me seems to have slipped away. I enjoy being with people more than I have before because I have been able to come to terms with my need to also be alone without apologizing for it. This has been so liberating.
I was painfully shy. My teachers, year after year, would tell me that I would run the risk of getting a poor mark in class participation if I did not start speaking up. They would say, “I know you know the answer, but you have to start showing it.” Some of you who know me now could not imagine a time when I kept my opinions to myself, but I can assure you I was not always this vocal. Some social anxiety creeps up from time to time but I cannot describe it as shyness, it’s more nervous energy than anything else.
I used to be unable to look at myself in the mirror. I simply did not like what I saw and it was difficult to face that truth. My teen years were a struggle. Extremely low confidence followed me throughout childhood and young adulthood. I had children in my thirties, and we all know how life altering that can be—especially on body image.
It wasn’t until my 40s that I accepted ALL of me. I can acknowledge to myself that my best years are probably behind me, but somehow I feel more content with the entire package and essence of me today. If I could talk to my younger self I would tell her, “Chin up girl, look people in the eyes when you speak, you are not beneath anyone and everyone struggles with something they don’t like about themselves. Step into your own sunshine because you truly brighten and warm up a room…oh and wear more miniskirts for goodness sakes, while you still can!”
I attribute some of my confidence to being spiritually grounded. I have strong beliefs in who I am in this realm. I have also learned to hold my ground, which has not been easy seeing that I am a former people pleaser. Not responding to certain people who have been toxic, hurtful, and down right abusive is conviction that I am exactly where I need to be in my life. I am hoping in time they will accept my silence as strength and truth, and move on.
I try my best to instil confidence in my daughter because I see her potentially going down the same path I did. In some respects she is more sure of her needs than I was at her age and is able to vocalize them, but her fear of going against the grain or speaking up when necessary makes me cringe. I guess she needs to come into her own confidence as she gets older. I see now that there was probably nothing anyone could have said or done to help me either. It was simply part of my journey, as it will most likely be for her as well.
As difficult as it is to watch someone struggle with confidence, it’s necessary to allow them to grow on their own time. If you cut the cocoon open to help a butterfly out, they will not build enough strength in their wings to be able to fly.
As high as I’m flying now, I’ve had plenty of practice over the years to strengthen my own wings. Certainly at any age life comes with challenges—but I am loving these years—even as things are rapidly changing. I see my face aging but I find myself thankful for each time looking in the mirror makes me smile. That just might be the key. Gratitude. Grateful for the present day—the present moment, and all that life comes with. I’m in my mid 40s and I can confidently say I am loving being ME! I’m in my ‘pretty girl era’ and loving it!
Thoughts At F___ It Forties 