Time To Let Her Fly

Prepare them for the world they say

Protect them from danger each and every day

Let them fly on their own when the time is right

Watching them fall is a parent’s plight

Gated boundaries makes for smoother smaller steps

Boundless, endless, open air makes for free-falling difficult to bear

The time has come to watch her go

This heart of mine is proud but full of woe

I don’t know how to put into words these feelings in the pit of my stomach. It is time. Time to apply to a high school of Ms. G’s choice. She has her heart set on an art program that made her skip through the crowded hallways during the school’s elaborate open house. Current students played their instruments on stage to hundreds of onlookers and performed short skits. They danced and sang with such joy and pride. The halls were filled with beautiful impressive art pieces and the upbeat energy reverberated throughout the halls and into the overflowing classrooms of people exploring the school.

I stayed quiet and seemingly unmoved. Not my usual stance when looking into exciting new things for my kids to experience. I was struggling to contain these unnamed emotions that were gnawing at me. Why wasn’t I as excited as she was? Her happiness and success is my only goal as a parent, or at least it should be. That feeling has stayed with me for days now. That night has replayed in my mind and in my dreams. I’m haunted. I know it sounds strange but I think I’m scared, petrified actually.

For years I’ve dropped my kids off at their elementary school and went about my day not thinking of their safety, per se. Instead, I thought about if they were able to pass that test they were studying for, or if they were cold at recess time, and if their friends were treating them well.

Suddenly everything is changing. I cannot stop thinking of her safety in high school. Her proximity to home, the risk of drugs, sexual assault, gun shots, the scary list seems endless. My mind is racing and I just want to cry. I know I am not the first parent to send their kids to high school but this mourning period is completely unexpected. I am mourning everything! Every moment of innocence that she had. I am simply heartbroken. It’s an awful feeling that I hope will pass soon.

It’s the weight a parent must carry throughout life. Actually, it’s the consequence of being a protective and loving parent. Frankly, it’s simply unbearable at times. Deep down I know it is indeed time to let her fly…