Learning To Make Friends In Your 40s

You would think after over 40 years on this earth we would be experts at making new friends. Maybe for some, but I would venture to say that it’s one of the few things that gets harder with age, and for many of the reasons you might not think. We become more sure of who we are and of our desire to take the path of least resistance. Well, this also means we reject certain behaviours from others that we were otherwise accepting for many years. Through this rejection we start to open up other doors in our lives. New people will emerge and we find ourselves enjoying the company of others.

This is the beauty of aging AND growing.

What I have learned is aging alone is not enough. Growth doesn’t necessary come with age. Shocking? Well, I think growth is the ability to be introspective, to acknowledge one’s faults, and to make an effort to be better—essentially effecting change from within. For some, growth and change is challenging and down right scary. Therefore, it is not in their best interest to change and grow. So they don’t. THIS is where separation most often occurs in intimate relationships, with friends, and with other people in our lives.

Now that we have addressed this shift in life, how do we go about making new connections with people that we enjoy being with? People who can allow us to grow, make mistakes, change again, and so on. Law of physics. What the heck am I talking about? The act of closing one door allows space in our mind and our hearts for others to enter. It’s almost automatic! Ok, you might be thinking that if you end a relationship that is not working today you will find a ‘replacement’ instantly and automatically?

Well, the short answer is yes. IF you are consciously willing to end a relationship with someone (friend or other) in a genuine way knowing that you have tried your absolute best and knowing that this person does not bring joy to your life, then you are telling the universe that you have made a stance and are aware of who you would want in your life instead. You must change your ways as well. You must give what you want to receive. It’s not just a cliché! Only then will you attract those that enrich your life, and not just take from it.

This is how we learn to make friends in our 40s. We don’t just will for it to happen. We make it happen. By shedding we become open to new beginnings. The new and wonderful beginnings will multiply. Nothing comes without effort. I will admit that it also takes guts to stand up for yourself. You might not be there yet. When the time is right I hope for you to be brave enough to jump off with both feet. You deserve peace. You deserve joy again. You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be appreciated. You deserve the space to just be fabulously you, and to be surrounded by good friends that see it in you.

So, like many other things in life, it all starts with YOU.