Let Me Count The Ways…To Say You Are Irritating Me!

I know many of you have been in these situations. It’s awkward. It’s ‘cringy’ as my kids would say, and it can be downright irritating. A social conundrum in general can call for delicate language and tact, that admittedly sometimes I lack because I can be ‘too forward’, as my older sister would put it. So, I often turn to her whenever I find myself in social situations that I find difficult to navigate. Each scenario is unique as the people involved, so it can be hard to say what is best to do. I suggest to start with what my sister often tells me, “lead with honesty”.

Stewing and mulling and venting are all very common reactions when dealing with social conundrums. We want to be heard. We want to tell our side of things. Sometimes we cannot understand why the other person just doesn’t get it or see it our way, even if we know full well we all have different viewpoints. Sure, intellectually we understand this, but when someone repeatedly hurts our feelings or commits a social faux pas we sometimes get into a tizzy and cannot believe they did ‘it’ again.

I know what you might be thinking. You might be telling yourself to just not associate with people that don’t get it or hurt our feelings—or continue to commit social gaffes—but like many things in life, it’s complicated! Some people are just forever threads that cannot be undone. Some social circles are so imbedded in our lives that cutting ties seems too drastic.

So what can we do? This is what I have learned over time. Firstly, I try my best to walk away from the situation feeling good about my interaction—in other words no regrets! At my age, I don’t want to be left with ‘shoulda’ or ‘coulda’ or ‘maybe’ anymore. I say leave it all on the table and sleep well. Of course, tact and delicate language is always important, even when direct language is needed. Speak respectfully and lovingly because, as I said before, these social situations can be tricky.

Your culture, your history with that person, and your personal life experiences can all play a role when trying to navigate ‘best practice’. Although there are certainly common themes and experiences that we all have been through, each situation has its unique qualities based on many factors such as dynamics and surrounding circumstances, some of which I mentioned.

You can try all sorts of ways to let your feelings be known—even directly—and still the situation may not improve. Sometimes, for whatever reason, the other person is not willing or able to change their ways. Life suits them just fine. So what can you do? You can accept people for who they are in the moment. Knowing full well that they may not change their ways is something you might decide to accept. Of course, if cutting all ties is not possible, certainly limiting your interactions can be a possibility.

Choose to see the good in people. Choose to find the joy in the situation. Change your perspective. When you have exhausted all avenues it can be helpful to switch gears. In the end, walk away knowing you did what served you best. Difficult social dilemmas are—and forever will be—part of our lives, but try not to let them consume your tranquil moments. The price is too high if it costs you your peace. If there is one thing I can share with you that I have learned is that most often than not the other person is sleeping well, therefore so should you!