Fuck it. I’m Forty. The Origin Story.

You should know by now I don’t believe in coincidences, right? I was telling a friend that a question came to mind and I thought to myself that it would be a good topic to explore for my next blog. A few days later I started reading the third book in the trilogy Conversations With God (I will officially review it as soon as I’m done). The book had arrived prior to my asking myself this question. Although I was eager to read it, for some reason I hadn’t picked it up yet. When I did finally begin, the answer to my question—the last place I would expect to find it—was within the first few pages. So take my little prelude for what it is. It was destined for me to write this piece and for YOU to read it. So here I go…

Out of thin air I posed a question to myself, “Why do we say ‘fuck it’ in our forties?” Why do we reach our 40s and 50s and experience a sense of a new awakening? I had also thought of a few theories. Many of us have started families and have experienced the great journey of having children. We feel like warriors in a battle and have found strength we didn’t know we had. Perhaps life threw us curve balls that we dodged and we are left with the knowhow to deal with whatever may come our way.

Maybe we have just enough life experience to be able to look back at our accomplishments and failures, but still feel as if we have time to move mountains—to change, to pivot, to alter still.

It’s time for our greatest fight. We know better so in turn we want to do better. We see where changes can be made, not only in our personal lives but in society in general—and we are not afraid to take them on! We are more sure of our own abilities, and perhaps weaknesses, which makes us unstoppable.

The need to please others—for all the reasons you can possibly think of—suddenly becomes less pertinent to our lives. We are sure of who we are, we know what we want, and we are not afraid to be knee deep in it in order to get it. We may even be uncertain and insecure, but we can now name it and are not afraid to seek help. We are ready for combat!

Then, we must talk about collateral damage, for in battle it is a very real consequence. As a result of this new warrior spirit in us perhaps relationships change too—romantic and platonic alike. Some become stronger because in the trenches we see who really is willing to fight along side us. Some relationships fizzle and make their quiet or dramatic exit, through divorce or otherwise. Other relationships flip-flop between the two until we decide that we are done. It is during this time that we are not afraid to say ‘fuck it’ to the situation—or directly to someone’s face for that matter. May I suggest all helmets and protective gear stay on during these years?!

It’s the true rebellion years. No longer under the guise or guidance of doting parents, or lack thereof, but free to embark on journeys—and if you are lucky enough, a little extra pocket money to do so. Our dreams and big plans can be solidified and no longer have to be fantasy stories that we tell ourselves in our 20s.

It’s when we feel as if we have truly grown up. Or as this author states:

“Human beings are biologically capable of creating children while they are children themselves—which, it may surprise you to know, they are for 40 or 50 years.”

Neale Donald Walsch, Conversations With God

This book contends that children should be raised by elders because they are wiser and can offer more sound child rearing than their parents. It proposes that parents be part of a child’s life, but not be responsible for making parenting decisions as they are still not fully grown or wise enough until they are well into their 40s or even 50s. Suggesting that child rearing be a communal effort, as oppose to small nuclear families. Jaw dropping huh? Well, it certainly is a different perspective on life. It surely fits into many of my theories about how we seem to awake from a certain child-like slumber when we reach middle age.

Ultimately, I think it’s important to acknowledge that something does shift and change when we reach our 40s. It is a giant leap that we take—willingly or subconsciously—that jolts us into a new phase in life. So, when the need arises don’t be afraid to think it, say it, or show it. Just naturally step into it and embrace your ‘FUCK IT’ years! (and there you have it—in its entirety).

THE END