Letting Go of Ancestral Traumas

This is a heavy and complicated topic to cover in this forum. It is also controversial, however I will try my best to explain my point of view on this important topic. I’ll start with my background—which I’ve mentioned in previous blogs in regards to my study of interest—which has always been women’s studies, namely abuse in intimate relationships. I’ve written many papers on this subject, starting from my high school days and throughout my post-secondary studies. I’ve worked in women’s shelters and formally counselled women in regards to intimate partner abuse. My draw to this subject has always been somewhat of a mystery to me. I was raised by parents who very much love and respect each other, and who have not displayed any form of aggression—actually they barely even raise their voices to one other. Similarly, I have a doting husband of nearly 15 years. I have not formally been in an abusive intimate relationship either, but I have experienced this behaviour with various people who have come in and out of my life (sometimes a few times too many).

However, I recently had an epiphany. Although I’ve made connections over the years regarding the discovery of tumultuous relationships of some of my ancestors, I recently connected the dots on how their lives have affected my own. This concept might be difficult to grasp, but have an open mind. Emotions and traumas are passed from generation to generation, not just genetic sequences. When people say ‘history repeats itself’ it is not only learned behaviour that repeats but traumas or emotional unrest, like an imprint on our beings.

A good example would be to look at some people who have been adopted who may have deep rooted emotional experiences that seem odd or out of place with their rather positive upbringing. Sometimes even repeating experiences that they later find out were similar to their biological parents’ struggles. This is not to say that nature will always supersede nurture, however for some people the coincidences (you should know by now I don’t believe in that word) between their lives and the lives of their biological family and ancestors are undeniable.

I have recently been told by a rather astute doctor (who works with the magnetic electrical response of a person to various stimuli to diagnose and potentially heal them) that I carry prolonged sadness that is not my own, simply by magnifying and observing the shape and colour of my pupils. I was taken aback by this comment. I didn’t picture myself as being a sad person, but like many people I have my solemn moments.

One day, I found myself alone at home and after a long cry I finally understood what that doctor meant—my sense of loneliness and sadness, and even some fears, are not my own. It instantaneously made complete and utter sense to me. In my present life I have no reason to have such strong emotions, no logical or valid reasons to feel such sorrows. I realized that what I was feeling truly were not my own feelings but someone else’s. How do I know that? I really can’t explain. However, after I finished crying and after I acknowledged the pain and anguish that my ancestors experienced before me I suddenly felt better. Truly uplifted and relieved. I have not felt that heaviness since that moment. I might be struggling here to explain that experience to you because I don’t think I fully understand it myself—but what I do know for certain is that is was a real moment of clarity that I never had before. A lifetime of unexplained interest suddenly made complete sense. I felt unburdened, and even healed.

I acknowledge that this may be completely foreign and out of the box thinking for many of you. So, what I would encourage you to do is to maybe start a deep dive into some of the real struggles and emotions that some of your ancestors experienced and see if you too can make some connections to your own life. Maybe you had similar interests or similar struggles. Maybe you are experiencing emotions that seem out of place in your current stage of life. Maybe, just maybe, what you are feeling is your own ancestral traumas. Maybe now is the time to let them go…