There is no one on this earth that is without flaws—yet we have our idols, both in real life and in the world of social media. We can call them role models, idols, people we aspire to be like, or just people we admire. As a young child I remember really wanting to emulate Samantha (Alyssa Milano) on Who’s The Boss. From her clothes to her hair style and her make-up—I wanted to be just like her! Of course, with the passing of time comes more confidence and therefore changing role models (however I still follow Alyssa Milano on social media and admire her social and political activism, even if I don’t always agree with her). Being in my forties, I now have a young person who looks up to me—my daughter—and although I’m tickled to be the apple of her eye I can’t help but think of the day I will disappoint her…like all good role models eventually do. Why? Well, when we put people on pedestals we create a flawless image of them. We shine a spotlight on the aspects we like most, and sweep under the rug any negative attributes that don’t fit our perfect narrative.
Ms. G has expressed interest in getting her nails done with me, her hair blown out straight at the salon, and even started wearing my shoes and my clothes. We recently attended an event in which she wore the dress I had intended on wearing. She had seen me try on my new dress a few days before, and had fallen in love with it. She made me promise to give her the dress after I was done with it. I asked her if she wanted to try it on. I have to admit it did look better on her, so I gave it to her to wear. I scrambled to find a dress for myself, which I gladly eventually did find. She was showered with compliments at the event and I could not be happier for her. Ms. G later told me she had never received so many compliments. She will forever be my little Pinky!
There are really no negative aspects to being admired and looked up to—except for one small thing—the fear of disappointment! I think I am quite friendly with my demons and how full of flaws I am, but in the eyes of a 12 year old I seem to be so much more than what I really am, and it scares me a little. I know the day will come when she will be grossly disappointed in me and I will have to apologize for the person I have always been. I will have to face the sad truth that I will no longer be her number one.
Well, I think as parents the reverse is also true. We give life to these small, helpless little beings that enter our lives and shatter our world in a million little wonderful pieces. We see them as pure, precious, perfect little people that could not possibly harm a soul or disappoint us in the least. Then, the day comes when we catch them lying to us with a straight face, hiding the truth, breaking rules, and all that disappointment comes out as anger and furry. We pull the ‘I’m the parent’ card and slam that judicial gavel down with all our might. In privacy, the tears flow and the sadness rises above the rage. Our little perfect babies are not so perfect after all. The pedestal comes crashing down to the ground.
What I hope comes out of all these spectacular events is simple truth. Truth is not always pretty and wrapped in a pink bow. The truth can be simple and ugly. The truth about who we really are is where love lies. If someone can love you for all your ugly truths then hopefully you can learn to love them back for all their hideousness as well. Sustainable, healthy relationships are not based on how high we put people on pedestals but on how we pick them back up after they have fallen off. This goes for both parents and children. I’ll leave you with a quote by Robert Munsch. I recently listened to a radio interview with him. He is currently living in a retirement home and has been diagnosed with dementia. He requested an interview as a “last hurrah” before his memory fails him completely. The interviewer asked him what he would like people to take away from his books and he replied with the following:
“Ordinary people fight a lot and still get along together. Adults and kids fight a lot and still get along together. Kids, love your parents and parents, love your kids. It’s a complicated world and try to make the best of it.”
Robert Munsch, CBC Radio
Thoughts At F___ It Forties 