Happiness: Back To Basics

To be happy—it seems to be a universal life goal. We all want to achieve happiness and be surrounded by happiness with our family and friends. The common saying goes, ‘be happy with the little things in life’ or ‘just be glad you have your health’. If we can all agree that it’s the little things that bring us true happiness, why do we spend most of our lives trying to achieve happiness?

Lately it seems to be the gawking effect that has fooled us into thinking we need this or that and then we will finally reach the pinnacle of happiness. The thing is WE keep moving the goal post because whatever it is that we think we want ends up either disappointing us by not fulfilling our expectations, or the happiness that we thought we would have in life seems to fade faster than the latest fad (say that 10x quickly!).

I am no different than you in the sense that I’m constantly trying to achieve ‘it’, feel ‘it’, hold ‘it’, sense ‘it’ from the moment I wake up until the time I finally get to sleep. So I started paying attention to those little things that everyone talks about, starting with sleep. I’ve told you before that sleeping is not my greatest strength. Five to six hours is my average, and this is not a boasting game which seems to somehow happen in social settings. I am not proud of my inability to sleep past 5:30 am, even if I go to bed at midnight. What makes me happy? I’ll start with a full night sleep, for me that would be maybe seven uninterrupted glorious hours of restful sleep, which I manage to get every few months.

So here it is, some of my basics. I’ve mentioned how my morning and evening face washing routine relaxes me (especially if I have the time to play some 80’s Italian music in the background). Well, having my eyebrows professionally groomed makes me happy—like clockwork, every two weeks. Couple that with a fresh blow out and I’m grinning ear to ear. Throw in a hot (not humid) sunny summer day with a great beat blasting from the car radio and this girl is content! Add a cute summer outfit and a golden sun kissed tan with a pair of heels…now we’re talk’n!

Well, those are some of my fun basics—which are important to have no doubt—but on a more deeper level I have learned that going back to basics to find another level of happiness has been life changing. This past winter I woke up one day and felt the need to write and start blogging. Truthfully, I had no idea what it was really all about, but a voice inside me said, ‘go back to basics when you used to write for fun all the time’. As a child, when we used to have indoor recess or quiet time at school, I would sit down and write. The other children played, some read books, some talked, some caused a ruckus—I would just continue writing. I wrote mostly fictional stories or diary type entries (similar to blogging). Sometimes I would hand them in as assignments where appropriate, but most of the time I would just write for the fun of it. I also loved taking pictures or using the giant hand-held video cassette recorder that my parents bought when I was a pre-teen. Recording my sisters and making sure the light was just right to capture a moment in time was so much fun. Life itself—candid moments—was what I was most interested in capturing.

Blogging has combined both of these loves which is precisely why I never use stock pictures because sometimes figuring out the picture that best represents my blog is more exciting than writing itself. Similarly, I loved colouring and drawing and creating artwork. I believe what we are drawn to as children is what truly makes our souls sing. Unfiltered pure childhood passions is where secret treasures of happiness lie.

I had to confess to myself that although I enjoy entertaining at home, going out for dinner and to parties, being social is an effort—let’s say it comes less naturally to me. Once I finally admitted this to myself I found greater happiness because I felt I could finally stop trying so hard to do what I thought was best for me. Pushing my boundaries is what I think is one of my strengths. I find challenging myself by trying new things exciting and petrifying. However, what makes me truly happy is being alone. There, I said it. Well, alone with my dog Luna and with my computer on my lap typing out my thoughts. It has been liberating finding this level of joy again.

Happiness isn’t always big belly laughs or being at big elaborate parties. Even though I find great enjoyment in such moments, I don’t believe they are a sustainable source of happiness—the party just can’t last forever! A windfall of money can ease many great worries, but as you well know the very wealthy can also experience depression and anxiety, and sometimes very unhappy times in life too.

The basics in life includes finding happiness for others as well. It can bring you an immense sense of joy when you relish in the achievements of others. A couple weeks ago I mentioned how watching the Olympics can inspire us all, well pay attention to the ‘gold medals’ that others are achieving all around you each and every day. For example, a satisfying hospital shift for a tired nurse is a gold medal achieved. Buying a home for the first time or the tenth time—it shouldn’t really matter—just be happy for your friends either way, not envious. To be perfectly frank, the most miserable people I have ever met have been those who compare their material things, or other achievements, with what others have accomplished or attained. I’ve learned (albeit the hard way) that this type of behavioural flaw makes for a poor friend. However, I also learned to slide out and away from such dark clouds in my life, even if that meant—like the cheese—I had to stand alone.

A cause for concern is when the things that made you happy don’t anymore. If you find yourself over sleeping, consistently withdrawing from the company of others, or having thoughts of hurting yourself it is time to speak to a trusted medical professional, or at the very least a trusted friend. Beyond everything I’ve mentioned, there are medical reasons why you may not feel happy or feel like yourself, so don’t hesitate to talk about it!

Try to remember going back to basics when happiness seems to elude you. One warm summer evening, I walked back into the house from my backyard. I saw my children tucked under blankets on the couch with their cousins after spending the day in the sun and in the water—their hair still dripping wet but neatly combed back. They sat nicely in a row in their pyjamas with just the glow of the television lighting up their sun tanned faces as they watched a movie. I suddenly felt an overwhelming sense of happiness and remembered to make a mental note of ‘the little things’.