Bedtime Banter (Episode 2)

These are snippets of conversations with my 8 year old son, Mr. D, before bed. You really can’t make this stuff up! Don’t forget to look up Bedtime Banter (Episode 1).

ONE EVENING:

Mr. D: What do you want to talk about?

Me: I don’t know it’s your room.

Mr. D: But you said I own nothing in this house and you own everything.

Me: Yes

Mr. D: So you decide.

Me: You will own 50% of everything after I die, but until then you own nothing.

Mr. D: Do you own the vents?

Me: Yes

Mr. D: Do you own the air?

Me: Yes, if it’s in this house.

Mr. D: Do you own the trees?

Me: If they are on my property, yes.

Mr. D: Do you own God?

Me: No

Mr. D: Ha! Now what do you want to talk about?

Me: I don’t know, I’m tired.

Mr. D: What’s your next blog about? (He’s my biggest fan. He wants me to read my blogs to him personally before they are published).

Me: I don’t know

Mr. D: Well you only have four days (starts calculating the hours…)

Me: GOODNIGHT!

Mr. D: Goodnight, I love you, bye, sweet dreams see you tomorrow, bye. I hope you had a very nice day today and I hope you have a very nice day tomorrow, bye! (He repeats this phrase every night to each member of the family before bed, including the dog!).

ANOTHER EVENING:

Mr. D: What’s the difference between pretty and beautiful?

Me: Some people say beautiful means extra pretty.

Mr. D: For me, pretty means sparkly, colourful, bright. Beautiful means majestic.

Me: GOODNIGHT!

Mr. D: Goodnight, I love you, bye, sweet dreams see you tomorrow, bye. I hope you had a very nice day today and I hope you have a very nice day tomorrow, bye!

YET ANOTHER EVENING:

Mr. D: How do women get pregnant?

Me: Well, you might be too young for me to explain this to you…

Mr. D: PLEASE!!

Me: Well, I’ll give you 90% of the answer, which is when a boy and a girl kiss a lot.

Mr. D: Oh…so like is that what they mean on Friends (the television series) when they say they have sex?

Me: (starting to secretly panic) Yes, that’s most of it.

Mr. D: Oh…(pensive for a moment)…What! Wait a minute that means you did it twice with Dada (starts laughing hysterically).

Me: (Laughing right along with him)

Mr. D: I can’t believe you did that! Why would you do that!?

Me: (No response)

Mr. D: What! Wait a minute that means HE did it with YOU too! (starts laughing even more).

(Shaking his head) I don’t understand why you would want to do that with him…

Me: GOODNIGHT!

Mr. D: Goodnight, I love you, bye, sweet dreams see you tomorrow, bye. I hope you had a very nice day today and I hope you have a very nice day tomorrow, bye!

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