Back In Heels!

If you follow me on social media you may have caught my boomerang video, which admittedly I just learned how to make thanks to my cousin who insisted “it’s what people are doing”. ‘Back in Heels!’ was my caption, I finally had an event to attend! It was the first time I found myself with something to do and somewhere to go post pandemic lockdown that involved finding a cute outfit to wear and throwing on a pair of heels. It was great to even have the night off from the kids—whom I dropped off at my parent’s house, along with the dog. Having the house all to myself was strange and lovely—a flashback moment of my life before marriage and children, when all I had to think about on a Saturday, summer afternoon was which outfit to wear and ensuring I gave myself plenty of time to iron my hair (yes with an actual iron!) and catch a ‘disco nap’ before heading out. Not having to make dinner or worrying about how to entertain and keep the kids physically active was a nice change. It had been too long.

Well, I thought I had all the time in the world and the freedom to enjoy it, however parenthood is the one ‘job’ you can never fully and wholeheartedly escape from. I received a frantic text from my daughter who needed me to urgently drop off some items, and just like that my zen moment was gone. I had to furiously figure out what I wanted to wear, trying on a number of outfits as well as trying to coordinate just the right undergarments (I cannot find a strapless bra that actually does its job because tape and sticky solutions should never be placed in certain ARE-as after having children!). At one point my bedroom mirrored that of a teenager with clothes scattered everywhere and my bathroom counter covered in makeup paraphernalia.

I finally settled on an outfit that held everything in place. Then the finishing touch: the heels! Heels are that one accessory that can change an outfit from daytime to evening. I used to live in heels in my past life—when I worked other jobs—and like many women I have a love-hate relationship with them. I love the way they make me feel when I wear them, conversely I hate the way them make my feet feel after a period of time in them. However, I told myself I was not going to complain for it had been way too long since I was able to dress up a little and prance around in them. I had missed wearing heels. I had missed getting back to a former version of me. Like many things in life, it’s not about the heels but about reconnecting to old desires and wants that somehow seem to take a backseat to the mundane and often more pressing needs of the everyday life.

I don’t want to forget about me. I don’t want to forget about the little things that make me smile. I don’t want to forget about life ‘before’. I’m not looking for thrills or pretending I’m in my 20’s again—in reality I don’t want to go back to those days. My forties suit me just fine. I like who I am. I like the voice I found. I love what I have built, accomplished, and created. Most of all I love the people I am surrounded by. So, when I say I don’t want to forget about me I mean I don’t want to always have to put other people’s needs before my own. It’s not a selfish thing to want this from life. I can however recognize that it is a privilege to be able to fulfill these desires because for so many people—men or women and moms or dads alike—it’s just not feasible to make certain desires come true. What I would encourage is balance. Not everything we wish for will come true, but finding a balance between the ‘musts’ and the ‘wants’ in life could be just as simple as throwing on a pair of heels and prancing around.

By the way, I made it to the event, albeit fashionably late—in my mind that’s within 15 minutes after the requested time—because being late is not my thing. I enjoyed the night out, and I also didn’t mind the feet migraine at the end of the evening—it was all too familiar and it felt wonderful.