It dawned on me today that the things I think about, and sometimes worry about, at my age are certainly not the things I thought about when I was much younger. I am not talking about the obvious worries like going grey and seeing darker circles around my eyes—although I’ve spent enough money on expensive creams and countless times in between salon visits staring at my grey hair in the rear view mirror while driving. I’ve noticed myself having odd and sometimes funny ideas pop in my head that can only be explained by my age and stage in life. I’ve compiled an arbitrary list of some of my random thoughts. Let me know if you have had some of these thoughts as well. Don’t leave me hanging—I can’t be alone here!
- I wonder if my wedding dress still fits? I am going to assume it doesn’t but how successful will I be if I try to squeeze into it? Will it go past my knees? I think I can get it over my hips but I’ll have to say a few prayers to get it buttoned up. ALSO, can I just wear my veil…like for fun…sometimes, when no one is home, like that Friends episode?
- I sometimes feel like a fraud as a parent. When my kids were younger I could get away with screwing up really badly without them noticing. They are getting to the age where they might figure me out. I am the type of parent that means what I say when I say it. I follow through on my word, good or bad. However, what if they figure out I am not that scary. Yes, I have a killer stare when I’m angry, but what happens when they realize I am not that intimidating? I sometimes feel like a fugitive, like I am in imminent danger of getting caught by my own kids.
- Sometimes the highlight of my day is seeing the bottom of the clean laundry bins, after putting away piles of clothing. I feel like a rock star after a concert, pumped and so proud of my accomplishment.
- Does this outfit make me look like I’m trying to appear younger? Conversely, does this outfit make me look older and stuffy? I recently made a new rule for myself when buying clothes—if it doesn’t make me feel sexy I am not going to buy it, and for me sexy doesn’t mean showing more skin, necessarily, it’s just a feeling the right clothes can give me. Also, how short is too short at my age? Do I really give a shit if I feel good wearing it?
- Walking out the door to pick up my kids from school—will anyone notice I am wearing pyjamas if I wear a long coat?
- Math Moments: So if I die at 80 that means I have lived more than half my life already. Holy cow I am middle age then?? No! It can’t be. I still feel like an insecure teenager but sometimes I feel like a badass sex bomb—how can that be? How old will my kids be when I’m old and frail? Will they be mature enough to take care of me or will I have to get up and still make them a snack?
- What the hell does it mean when people say ’40 is the new 30′ or insert whatever numbers you want. It makes no sense people! My knees hurt after my long walks in the cold now. Trust me, I can think age is just a number, but try to convince my arthritis!
- I can totally rock those 4 inch high heels…20 minutes into a social event…I can’t wait to take these off in the car and put my Uggs back on.
- Good Day: Damn I think I look better naked
- Bad Day: This oversized sweater is not oversized enough, I don’t want to even leave the house today
I’ll expand on these topics in future blogs. You know sometimes jotting things down takes the weight off of your thoughts leaving the mind light and clear. Try it! Scribble or doodle or type it all out. Get it out of your head. It may make you laugh or even help you gain perspective. I wish you happy thoughts—and manageable heavy ones too!
Thoughts At F___ It Forties 